The other night I was sitting listening to a team remember all the memories they have had together, they were recording their memories on video.  I remembered the times that my old team used to make videos of our memories from the first 3 months. I all of a sudden was overwhelmed with grief, I haven't had a big team since month 3, and I am not loved like they are, I'm missing out.  Lies.  Just then in that moment I realized how silly I was being.  I have been more loved than I could have ever imagined.  I have the love of the whole squad.  Sure I haven't shared every moment with the same 6 people, but I have shared countless moments with 49 other people.  I have their love, respect and friendship.  

            I also have the best team in the world.  He is my best friend, my team, my co- worker, my prayer warrior, my family, my roommate.  I have been blessed with being able to spend the past 9 months of my life with Nathan Dickens.  He has pushed me, made me laugh, made me cry, frustrated me, cracked me up, made me smile, pushed me to be more of myself, taught me how to relax, showed me how to see God in the most random moments of life.  He has showed me more brotherly love than I have ever known and has honored me like I never knew someone could honor you.  He has lived out preference 24 hours a day for the past 9 months and he has showed our whole squad what it means to preference people and allow others to preference you.  He has looked after me and taken care of me so selflessly and sacrificially every single day.  Have I missed out on anything by not having a team?  No way! Because I have had the best team I could have ever asked for, my 1 person on my team has been the equivalent of lots of teams put together.  He has never made me feel alone, or wish that I had 6 other people to go and talk to.  He is a constant source of wisdom, friend to talk to, process with and live life with.  There have been times I know that I have made him want to pull out his hair (how could I not?  We are around each other 24/7), there have been times I thought I was going to lose my mind.  But lets be honest, no one spends this much time together, if we didn't have those moments, it would not be real life.  But through all that, at the end of it and bottom line God put us together for this time for a reason and not a moment has gone by that we haven't pushed each other, loved the crap out of each other and been a representation of Christ through our friendship, our teamship and through loving each other the way that Christ has loved us.  God has blessed me with one of the best friends anyone could ask for and I am so thankful that I got to lead with him this year. 

            When we first led together in Peru (month 2), his leading drove me crazy.  9 months and a bazillion memories later I am so thankful that we were and are not the same.  By leading with him, I have realized new leading styles, new ways to push myself, new ways to push the people around me into greatness and closer to the Lord. Our styles have not changed and become the same, we are still very different, but we have strengthened each other.  His strengths have pushed and refined my weaknesses and visa versa.  Our differences have allowed me to grow in ways I didn't know possible.  Our little team of 2 (perfectly sized team) has taken living in community to a whole new level and it is only by the grace, love and mercy of God that our relationship is as healthy as it is. 

            So even though there is only 2 of us... we could fill a book with our memories, and we have not missed out one bit.  I am so thankful for the life I live and the people I live it with.  And even though this time is coming to an end, our lives are about to be turned upside down and this time will be nothing more than a memory; it has been a memory that has changed my life forever and forever changed the woman of God that I am and that I will be to every single person I meet.

 

            I am finally posting this blog.  I have been trying to post this and it has never let me.  So finally here it is...

When I was in Thailand and going to the bars every night, it was unbelievably hard on my heart, mind and spirit.  Every night after leaving I would feel broken down, exhausted, not really even able to speak because I had so much going on in my head.

            One night during worship I positioned myself into a place of constant praise, constant worship, constant prayers of thanksgiving.  I prayed that God would allow me to be Joy in that place.  I know there is spiritual warfare going on and I know that normally I am constantly battling it, my mind is normally consumed with fighting, but God has already won and I just want to go and spread light.  So that is what I did, I went into that spiritually dark place and I let nothing touch me, anything that was trying to bring me down bounced right off because I was walking with Jesus.  I was singing worship music, dancing as I walked, praising our God, I was Light in that place, I was Joy in that place, and nothing was going to stop me.

            That was without a doubt the best night of ministry I had had there.  Going home I felt so light, so happy, so hopeful.  It wasn't that spiritual warfare wasn't going on or that awful things weren't going on around me, it was that I made the choice; before ever walking into that place, that I was not going to let it affect me.  I was not going to let that stop me from bringing Joy, bringing God's love.   I did not let Satan's darkness have any power over me.  Because the truth is God has Victory in that place! He has authority there and He is taking it back.  He has already won, He is fighting the battle, and He has won the war. 

I was riding home the other day from ministry and I was lost in a daze, starring at everything as we passed, and as we drove I began realizing all of the things I am going to miss about this crazy season of my life.  No matter how uncomfortable I am there are so many simple things I am going to miss about this life.   So I have compiled a list... Enjoy J

1)   Seeing countless naked babies playing on the side of the road

2)   Kids naked splashing in puddles

3)   Cows tied up in the living room or kitchen

4)   Being able to get something to eat from the backyard by just plucking it off a tree

5)   Laying in a hammock at some point during the day... everyday

6)   Being able to jump in a random (probably not so clean) body of water and consider yourself clean

7)   Living with farm animals of all shapes and sizes

8)   Not having electricity or running water

9)   Using the restroom outside

10)                   Wearing a headband everyday to cover the grease, dirt and frizz

11)                   Being comfortable with the un-comfortableness of sleeping on the floor.

12)                   Jumping on the back of a random guys moto and paying $1 to go wherever you want

13)                   Listening to big thunderstorms roll in from the inside of a tree-house

14)                   Playing in the rain to shower because you haven't in days

15)                   Being able to get whatever you want from the market for less than $1

16)                   Whole meals that are 50 cents

17)                   Not caring how dirty or ridiculous I look

18)                   Seeing big families that all live, work, cook, sleep and play together

19)                   Trying new/ weird food that scares you a little

20)                   Being happy with nothing

21)                  Playing silly games with kids in a hot hut where none of them can understand you

22)                   Worshipping in all different languages

23)                   Bucket showers

24)                   Community

25)                   Living with my best friends

26)                   Feedback

27)                   Monkeys

28)                   Climbing Trees

29)                   Being pushed physically, spiritually, emotionally every single day

30)                   Simplicities

31)                   Not having a phone

32)                   Having to work for your water and food

33)                   Not caring about anything but enjoying life and the people around you

34)                   Riding in Tuk- Tuks, Saong Toas, Cumbii's, Truphijes, Chappas, motos, bikes, trains, planes. Cars, buses, subways

35)                   Cramming and stock piling people into a vehicle

36)                  Riding in the back of trucks

37)                   Road trips

38)                   waterfalls

39)                   Sleeping everywhere... in every position

40)                   Hurrying up to wait

41)                   Sharing everything (toilet paper, clothes, books, movies, tv shows, make up, food.....)

And the list could really go on and on forever...

I am so thankful for this Journey and Thankful that I can share it with all of you.

Love love love love love

Kristen

  Last night was a hard night, I saw a bar girl forcefully touched inappropriately by an old man while his friends watched and she tried to get away but he pulled her back down.  I almost threw a punch.  We talked to an American guy living here who is just loving it and doesn't care at all about the horrible things that happen down there. I met a girl who has cigarette burns on her body from abuse of the men. My heart is breaking for these women and for these men...

And then we were waiting for one of the bar girls to meet us to go get some ice cream and an angel showed up.  We were sitting on a bench and this little girl about 6 years old came up to me, looked me straight in the eyes and said:

"You like Jesus" and held her arms out like she was on the cross.

At first I didn't know what she was saying so she repeated:

"You like Jesus, I see, You like Jesus, I see Jesus, Jesus talks to me, I see Jesus in my dreams.  Thailand no like Jesus but I love Jesus.  Jesus talks to me, you like Jesus, I see I see.  Cambodia, Malaysia they like Jesus more but no Thailand, Thailand like Buddah, I love Jesus, you Love Jesus too, I see you Love Jesus..."

I about broke down in tears.  Who is this smiling little girl? Where did she come from? I am at awe of her; how the Lord speaks to her and how obviously he has protected her from the harm of this world. Her name is Cola and she is trafficked.  She sells necklaces and the money goes back to her owners.  She is not allowed to return home until all of the necklaces are sold.  Our date got there but we tried to give her some encouragement that Jesus loves her and hears her prayers, continue to cling to Jesus, we love you, you are our sister. We wanted to buy her an ice cream but she looked around and said she couldn't.  We gave her some money and told her it was only for her and for her to buy herself something with it.  Jesus was shining through her!  In the middle of this crazy mixed up dark world, God sent us an angel.  He is in that place.  He is working!  He loves His children and is speaking to them. No matter how hopeless it seems there is HOPE in this place, he has His hand of Protection over his children and is guiding them through the dark.  In a country where no one knows the name of Jesus, Jesus found his little girl and now she speaks and praises His Holy name.

Praying God gives me the opportunity to see Cola again, I can't shake her from my mind.  Pray for Colas continual protection and that she continues to cling to the Lord even through the pain and suffering that she will continue to see him clearly.  Thank you so much for your prayers and support.

Love you all,

Kristen

 

            I wish I were Liam Nielson (in taken) so I could go up there and kung foo, chop someone's bottom and take all the girls back.  In these glass boxes above the chaos are girls dancing.  Alright, there are girls everywhere dancing but these are American girls, eastern European girls.  They are obviously drugged, you can see it in their faces, some of them wear masks and the way they move and dance, they are not all there and they don't want to be there.  There is a lifelessness in their faces that is like none of the Thai girls.  These girls are trafficked, they are not there on their on free will.  I wanted to SCREAM from the rooftops to all the tourists who think its so fun.  Don't you see! This is human trafficking in front of your eyes! Why are you showing your kids this?! Why wont anyone do anything about this?! I cant go in there, I'm a woman, I'll be either trafficked of shot, ahhh HOW can I get them out of there?! I'm literally overwhelmed with emotion, even as I'm writing this the tears are flowing because I want so badly to go up there but I cant.  Gosh why wasn't I born a spy or trained for war or something.  These women, my age, American, European, I know they have a family, friends, probably all wondering what happened to them.  And here I am, seeing them before my eyes and I cant do anything about it but pray as I walk by.  They are literally trapped in a box, physically and mentally, emotionally for the whole world to see. I know that prayer is so powerful, more powerful than action but it is so frustrating that I cant physically do anything about it.

            We are not allowed to go to these places for obvious safety reasons but we can walk by and pray pray pray my freaking heart out.  There is a "massage" place here that advertises to tourists.  In reality, it is a big warehouse full of cages.  It traffic's women.  People go in there and do not come out.  Needless to say we are not allowed to go there either.  These are things you here about in movies but its REAL! Its here! I have seen it for my own eyes.  I think a lot of people know it happens, but its so far away, in a different world, or not as real as its made out to be, happens every once in a while.  NO It is a HUGE industry!  They are in everything, they sell things on the street, they have bars, businesses, and restaurants, massage places, all pumping money back into trafficking.  They are powerful.

 

I came on The World Race thinking that I could change the world, but the more I live this thing out, the more I realize the world has changed me.

            This month we are in Thailand!  It is Manistry and Womanistry, meaning that the boys are all together in one location and the women are split up into new teams, new team leaders, in 3 different locations.  This month we are blessed with the opportunity to go into the bars, put on the spiritual armor of God and fight for His children.

            While we were in Bangkok for debrief, we went to the bars to find some of the women Cristie (my old squad leader) had ministered to 4 years ago.  Where do I even begin to describe the things we saw?  There is at level of spiritual heaviness like no other.  As you walk around your heart breaks more and more after every girl you see.  Picture a large U- shaped street; lined with bars all around, there are 3 levels (XXX).  Each level gets worse, the first level is just women in bikinis and lingerie, the second floor are no tops and the third floor is no clothes at all.  They all have numbers so that the men can pick which one they want. Some of the women are dancing on stage and some of them are just walking around trying to get you to come in or to buy them for the night. 

 

The women in there are not just bar tenders or dancers, they are prostitutes, but more than that they are someone's daughter, they are mothers, wives, friends, students, young women just like us, young women that have dreams for their lives.  This is their way of life and for most of these women this is the only life they have ever known and will ever know.  They don't think they have any other choice; they have to feed their family.  My heart breaks for the women as I see in their eyes that they feel worthless, ugly, ashamed, proud, and numb with hardened hearts.  My heart breaks for the men as I see they are so brainwashed by society that they think this lifestyle will satisfy.  Porn has screwed up peoples image of what sex is or should be and what will make them happy.  These men are older American men for the most part.  Most of them have wedding rings on.  My heart broke as I thought of their wives and children at home, waiting to hear from their beloved father how his "work" trip is going.  You have the love of a wife, why are you here? Some are younger teenage men, and that breaks my heart that they are getting exposed to this at such a young age.  You can tell some of the men just want companionship, someone to talk to, and someone to fill their lonely nights and make them feel worth something for a little while. Some men walk in, take one look and then walk back out, what that would say to me as a woman is your not good enough, your not pretty enough.  In their faces you can tell they don't want to be there and then in others faces you can tell they think it's a game, their hearts are so hardened.  

This month is going to be a continual fight, a desperate need to be strong in the Lord and expecting miracles.  Not giving up and not easing up at all. I love it and it's hard at the same time.  My heart is breaking for these women, but I am so blessed to be able to be there and fight for and with them. The other night we spent the night intercessory praying for the bars and the women, and when we got there, it was so so so slow, barely anyone in any of the bars.  We went and sat in one and ordered a coke, every time a man would walk by and the women would try to pull him in, we would pray pray pray that he would be gone in the name of Jesus.  And sure enough they all kept walking. We danced with one of the girls and just got to love on her a bit.  Two men walked in and they were ignored.  This young girl, who her way to make money is talking and wooing over these men would have rather danced with a couple poor American girls than go sit with those customers.  It's going to be a spiritually exhausting month but I'm ready and pumped.

These women just need some hope, someone to tell them they are worth more than what they've always been told.  Someone to point them in the right direction, show them that there is more to life than selling your body.   We are praying that they see something different in us, that they see Jesus in us, that they are drawn to Him in us, that they see there is more to life.  The ministry we are working with this month is putting on a 3-month school.  The women will get food, housing, money to send to their families and take classes.  They will have classes teaching about the Lord as well as learning a trade so that they can go to another job.  There is going to have to be a heart change, a job change is not enough because they make 3 times the amount at the bars than they would at any other job, and a lot of these women are feeding their families with this money. 

Please be praying that their hearts are softened, that they will be drawn to Jesus in us.  Be praying that these men begin to see them as more than just something to be bought.  That they can look in their eyes and see that there is more to them than what meets the eye.  They want to be loved as much as the rest of us.  Pray that God will use us to shower them with Love, with His love.   Thank y'all so much for your prayers and support.

            Picture walking into a concrete hospital, chanting music playing, hundreds of women, men and children sitting everywhere, lining the walls, a smell that you couldn't burn out of your nose if you tried and them all looking up at you with hope.  Hope that somehow we could fix their problems in an instant.  My friend Kelly and I made our way to the woman's ward, these women are dying, there is no way to know how long they have left all I know is I want to make their last days count.  We went into a room we felt like God was telling us to go in.  There in that hospital room lie 2 women, both in there 20's (what should be their prime) and yet there they lie, unable to move, unable to speak, weak and alone. 

            In one bed was a woman who was not there at all, but on the other side of the room was a woman that looked at least semi able to hold a conversation.  At first she was apprehensive as to why we were there, then after I explained that we wanted to be her friend she was like OHHH ok and grabbed our hands to properly greet us.  We chatted for a while; she had been in the hospital over a week and had no visitors yet. We got out my computer and played her music, made her a note to put up on her wall, turned her fan on and fixed it so her and her roommate would have a nice breeze to relieve them from the 110 degree F heat.  After a while she was too exhausted and delirious from drugs to talk.  We sat in a chair, she reached out her hand for ours and there we sat for over an hour, holding her hand and listening to music. 

            There are literally no words to describe the feeling of being able to provide comfort and love through something as simple as holding her hand.  That simple gesture, knowing that she was loving, knowing that no matter if she never had any visitors that we wanted to spend time with her, we wanted to love on her and be a part of her life.  I only knew her for a few hours but I will never forget that sweet smile and the gratitude her eyes expressed for just our presence and willingness to be her friend.  The simplicity of a loving touch from a stranger.  For that brief time she wasn't alone, laying in her agony, she had someone there to listen, just to be in room with.  Nurses are no where to be found.  In the US, no matter how poor you are, if you are in a hospital dying, a nurse is just a beep away.  In this hospital I couldn't even find one to ask a question.  I cant imagine laying there in my own pee and poop, hurting, not being able to do anything for myself and not knowing when the next person would come by or when someone would come check on me, and all that is in my power to do is wait. 

            We did lots of hospital visits.  Kids abandoned left and right, left on the hospital steps.  Kids put in the hospital and then the parents cant afford it so they just leave them there, never to be seen again.  Women, younger than me, on their death bed because of disease.  They should be in the prime of their life, yet there they lay, lifeless on a bed, no visitors in site. 

            As I write this I am sitting here in Swaziland, Africa.  I am on top of a mountain, surrounded by rolling mountains that go on for as far as the eye can see.  Right now we cant really see anything because we are in a cloud!  I am sitting on my bed and a cloud is rolling in through the windows.  For part of the month we worked at care points.  The kids that we feed and play with at the care points (when we were outside of manzini)  eat once a day.  The meal we feed them is the only meal they get and when the care points aren't open on the weekends they get no food. The GoGo (grandma) that we lived with, she took all of our left over food, no matter how moldy or rotten, she wanted it.  All she had for food was a bag of beans that she eats off of for months and months... she has lived there 70 years.  To the kids we feed, rice is a delicacy.  Rice, the thing that us racers dread and are so sick of because its the cheapest thing and thus we eat it all the time.  To these children, it is a luxury because it is so expensive.  It really puts things into perspective. My heart is breaking for them. 

 

 

 

            Writing down what I am thankful for has proven to be addicting, I think of things all the time.  One day while I was in church a fly tried to fly into my eye.  In that moment I was thankful that I had eyelids that shut to protect my eye.  It may seem silly, but good golly has the Lord blessed us.  I want to challenge you to start keeping a notebook of the things you are thankful for.  One, it shows you just how many things you have to be thankful for and two, when you are upset or frustrated you can look back and remember all the little things that you were once so grateful for, all the little or big things that make you smile.

I am beyond thankful for the Lords provisions in my life and that he has place you in my life!  Be blessed.  I love you all so much.

 

            Month 7 is coming to a close. We have spent this month so far in Beira, Mozambique with Unchained Rhythm and Family Force Six at Kedesh Boys home. We basically live in a tree house, surrounded by chickens, ducks, cats, dogs, chameleons, big komodo dragons, snakes, goats, mango trees, lime trees, coconut trees, cashew trees, and a forest with the best tree climbing trees any boy could ever ask for. 

            This month has been an amazing month of ministry. I have grown so close to the boys and my heart is going to break when Nathan and I leave tomorrow to head to Maputo to be with two other teams. We have been able to spend the month investing in the boys, showing them Christ, playing with them and nurturing them. Its also been such an amazing month pouring into the two teams here and really becoming their friends and being able to speak into their lives. 

            I made a list this morning in my journal of the things I am going to miss about this place:

•       Sitting in our hammocks and swinging with the boys

•       Climbing trees (trying not to touch the ground once and making it all around)- the boys jump from limb to limb and climb effortlessly, its ridiculously awesome

•       Epic water fights around the whole property

•       Movie nights

•       Watching lost

•       Eating homemade popcorn every night

•       Having one of the boys Luca feed me b/c he thinks its funny

•       Watching the boys be chased by their dog and tackled

•       Watching the goats (in particular one named Billy who is so nice)

•       Being beat up (in a loving way) by the boys

•       Giving piggy back rides

•       Getting my hair braided and it being pulled so tight I thought my scalp was going to bleed

•       Having the boys fall asleep on your lap

•       Being woken up every morning at 5am to the loudest music ever

•       Watching African sunsets from the top of the water tower

•       The nasty malaria, snake, leech infested cest pool that we swam in and had so much fun

•       The matachanias (the worms that lay larvae in your foot and you have to dig the egg sack out)

•       Walking 10 minutes to the well to get water to shower/ flush the toilette

•       Taking baths (with clothes on) at the well so that we don't have to carry the water back

•       Frisbee golf through the forest and tall grass and swamps

•       Playing ultimate Frisbee in the pouring down pour rain

•       Playing volleyball

•       Letting the boys use my camera and it coming back with hundreds of random pictures

•       Eating Oatmeal everyday for breakfast, rice and beans everyday for lunch, and rice and cabbage everyday for dinner

•       Finding kittens in the woods and taking them in

•       Sharing a bathroom with 26 people... not being able to flush all the time so everyone pooping on everyone's poop hahaha

•       Sleeping under hot mosquitos nets but some how still getting eaten alive

•       Africa church services in a hot mud hut with a grass roof, no electricity, only one drum too keep the beat, lots of dancing and everyone praising the Lord and dancing freely in His presence

This place has touched my heart. I am going to miss these boys so much. God has revealed so much to me this month about His Love and faithfulness to his children.

            The morning after we prayed over Fea and saw such an improvement in her mobility I left to go be with another team. I hadn't heard anything about her until we saw all the teams come travel day when we were headed to Mozambique. After that night, precious little Fea went back to her old ways. I have prayed about this over and over. I have spent much time thinking about this blog and how I was going to write it. I don't want this to be a discouragement to anyone, yet an encouragement. This does NOT take away from our Lords Majesty. This blog had to be written because I don't want to misrepresent any situation, any child or any workings of the Lord. I have prayed and asked God why, why she was healed that night, why she wasn't in the morning. Why through all of our faith, no lasting difference remained. After much prayer I am certain of the Lords love for her and for us and certain that he is FAITHFUL and miracles are 100% possible. 

            All I know is that God does things in HIS perfect timing. He allows us to go through things that we wont ever understand. He does things in ways that will most GLORIFY His Kingdom. I don't know if doubt played into this, lack of faith or the thing that paralyzes most FEAR. What I do know and can stand firm in is what I saw that night. I believe the Holy Spirit was there and was working. I believe that Fea is in the name of Jesus Healed. I believe that when God chooses to have that healing expressed physically it will be done. I believe that IF He chooses to leave her the way she is that it is for HIS Glory. 

            I believe our God is a healing God. I believe He has given us the AUTHORITY and POWER to Heal the Sick, Raise the Dead and Cast out Demons. I believe we can do these things in His name. I saw Fea healed that night, I saw her walk with little help, I saw her drooling strop, and I saw her limbs loosened. I saw these things that we prayed for in the name of Jesus happen. I don't have all the answers and it BREAKS my HEART to know that God has so much more for her life than she is experiencing right now.

            Miracles reveal HIS Glory. 

"This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him."

John 2:11

            Our FAITH makes room for the EXTRAVAGANCE of God! Signs and wonders release the glory of God into our cities.  Faith moves Heaven, so that Heaven will move earth.

            Signs and miracles direct people to give Glory to God. 

"Now when the multitudes saw it, they marveled and glorified God, who had given such power to men."

Matthew 9:8

The Glory of God is going to cover the earth in part by the people who walk in power, who bring a testimony of Jesus to the nations of the world. 

"Miracles... remove the ruling influence of hell while establishing the ruling presence of God." ~Bill Johnson

            Do not be discouraged by this information, but be encouraged that God is here, God is working. We must NOT lose faith in these times because Faith is being CERTAIN of what we do not see. I am CERTAIN that Fea is in Jesus name HEALED! I will stand firm on that faith. I will stand firm in knowing that the Lord LOVES His little girl and He loves us and He is alive and moving on this earth. Please continue to keep her in your prayers. Continue to pray that the Glory of God will be shown. Pray that the doubt, the lack of faith, the insecurities will banish in the name of Jesus and His glory will be shown. I pray that the FEAR that so easily entangles and paralyzes us will crumble to the ground. Do not let FEAR put you or what God can do in a box. If we don't ever try we will never know the full measure of God and what His Majesty is capable of. 

Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your support. Thank you for your faith!

Love you all in Him,

Kristen